I dreamed I was at a church camp and busy with many things, mostly talking to and doing projects with children, but also just learning about my own deep, still waters. I felt fulfilled, peaceful, and calm. I realized at one point, that I'd been entered in a beauty contest. I didn't give it much thought, though, and continued my projects. I ate a good meal, which I could feel nourishing all of my cells. I ate everything on my plate; there was no waste.
Then I noticed that the other girls were getting ready for the pageant. They had their make-up on and their hair styled just so. Their mothers were there helping them into their formal gowns.
I was alone in the dream but didn't have that empty-alone feeling. I felt solid and whole.
The others were fretting over questions they might be asked and how they would answer. What were they going to do for the talent portion, I wondered.
What was I going to do?
I caught an image of myself in a mirror. I wore denim pants with a common sort of top, draped with a shawl or scarf of some sort that shimmered in the light. I arranged it carefully around my shoulders and, looking in the mirror again, decided it would work.
One side of my hair hung stiff and wiry while the other side held its usual natural curl. I must have slept on it funny. I ran a wet comb through the straight side and then twisted it around my finger. Much better.
"I don't have a formal gown or make-up or my hair sprayed into some professional 'do," I told myself, "but I do have me. I am beautiful inside and out. I have sincerity, strength, and integrity. I am enough."
I stepped back from the mirror. It was time to go on stage.
I woke up to a beautiful autumn morning. The wind gusted and golden maple leaves drifted through the air.
I pulled on my blue jeans, an old T-shirt with remnants of a once beautiful butterfly on it, one of my husband's long-sleeved western shirts, and my lace-up boots, and started to go check my heifer, but it was plain to see, my husband informed me, that she still had not calved. The dogs informed me, with much enthusiasm, that they would like to go for a walk.
We took off down the runway, I mean the driveway, the dogs bouncing for joy and wagging their tails, me with my head held high, knowing that true beauty lies within me. Beauty is the joy coursing through my veins, the faith pulsing in my heart, the solidity of sincerity, the poise of integrity, the grace of living my truth day-by-day, releasing yesterday and laying the foundation for tomorrow. I braided my hair as I walked and pulled a piece of grass to tie it in place.
I am more than enough. I am beautiful.
If the pageant judges had asked me what I wished for the world, I think my answer might have been that every person would see their own true beauty within themselves, that we would all be winners.
